When you want to give up...

I am a perfectionist. And a terribly lazy person. These two things don't go well together. To be honest, this is one of the worst combinations I can imagine. Always cause me many problems, stop me from doing many things I want, because instead of trying hard to be better in something, I think: 'I'm not good enough'. I'm also impatient. I would like everything to be perfect at once. When it's not - I get angry and I just give up. I'm trying to fight with this, but it's not easy. It's like I have a little person inside, telling me: 'Don't do this. You're rubbish, everyone will laugh at you' etc.

Recently I had two conversations about it. First one, with my good friend Łukasz, was about creating music. He is a producer, in my opinion a very good one, and I – well, I am singing and I know I do it quite well. So we make some plans about doing tracks together and also about creating our own music. Few weeks ago I came back to playing piano, after 10 year long break. For the first time I thought: 'maybe I will try to write a song?'. But it didn't take long and I thought: 'This is bad. I will never do anything good.'. I told Łukasz about it and he told me: 'You should change your attitude to making music. To doing anything. Don't think about how you want it to look like in the end. Think about music you love, artists who inspire you. First – try to do something similar to songs that you like. Then try to change it for something that is your own. Look for inspirations in music, books, stories, films... Don't think it has to be perfect. It doesn't. Don't be so serious about it. Have fun. Try to create many small elements, parts and then maybe you'll find a way to connect them? You have to practise and you'll see you're getting better and better'

The second conversation was one I had with my singing teacher, Karolina. We talked about me being shy and scared of taking risk. She told me: 'Take your time. Sometimes we have to wait to be ready for something. It's nothing wrong with that. The worst thing is to push yourself to do something you're not sure about. But one day you'll wake up and think – yes. Today I will do this, today I am ready, I believe I can do this. You won't be nervous or scared about it. But never give up just because your first step wasn't exactly what you were expecting.'

I'm glad I heard these things. It's always good to hear something like this, from people who are important to you, when you're doubtful about your dreams and plans.

Mary Anne Hobbs

This post won't be exactly about conversation, but about the person who is a huge inspiration for me.

Mary Anne Hobbs

Let's start from the beginning. It was August 2011, I was at the very beginning of discovering the world of electronic music and decided to go to festival called Tauron Nowa Muzyka. Thanks to twitter I met Boiler Room guys – Thristian and Charles, who were filming one of the scenes, and when they heard I'm on my own they invited me backstage (I am so grateful for that, it was amazing day thanks to them!). I had a chance to meet artists I went to festival for and also – Mary Anne. That day all I knew about her was that she used to have show on BBC Radio 1, she is well known DJ and music journalist and that she's important person for many musicians and producer, because she discovered their talent, gave them first radio play etc. When she appeared backstage I thought – she looks like the nicest person in the world. I was surprised when she came to Thristian to say hello, and when he introduced me, we talked for a little moment. I was just a random girl she saw for the first time in her life, but I felt like she really cared about what I was saying. Also the way all artists were looking at her – with huge respect and friendliness, made me think: 'I want to listen to her show!'

I started to listen Mary Anne's XFM show then, became a regular listener and often got a shout on the show. I found out that my first impression was right – Mary Anne is a great, passionate person who really cares not only about artists she likes, but also about her listeners. I love that she remembers that I'm from Poland, I love James Blake or that I had exams so she asked few weeks later how they went. There are not so many radio DJs/presenters, who really have this friendly, kinda personal relations with their listeners.

As a fan I decided I want to read more about Mary Anne's past, some articles and interviews. Then I found on Joe Muggs an interview, where I read about her childhood and the beginning of being music journalist. It still makes me impressed, I admire her for fighting for her dreams, even though it wasn't easy for her. I think that was the moment, when she became someone like a hero for me. She achieved what she wanted, do what she loves and also is a really great person.

My dad says: it doesn't matter if they like you, more important is if they respect you. But I think I prefer Mary Anne's way – to be respected and also be liked.