When you want to give up...

I am a perfectionist. And a terribly lazy person. These two things don't go well together. To be honest, this is one of the worst combinations I can imagine. Always cause me many problems, stop me from doing many things I want, because instead of trying hard to be better in something, I think: 'I'm not good enough'. I'm also impatient. I would like everything to be perfect at once. When it's not - I get angry and I just give up. I'm trying to fight with this, but it's not easy. It's like I have a little person inside, telling me: 'Don't do this. You're rubbish, everyone will laugh at you' etc.

Recently I had two conversations about it. First one, with my good friend Łukasz, was about creating music. He is a producer, in my opinion a very good one, and I – well, I am singing and I know I do it quite well. So we make some plans about doing tracks together and also about creating our own music. Few weeks ago I came back to playing piano, after 10 year long break. For the first time I thought: 'maybe I will try to write a song?'. But it didn't take long and I thought: 'This is bad. I will never do anything good.'. I told Łukasz about it and he told me: 'You should change your attitude to making music. To doing anything. Don't think about how you want it to look like in the end. Think about music you love, artists who inspire you. First – try to do something similar to songs that you like. Then try to change it for something that is your own. Look for inspirations in music, books, stories, films... Don't think it has to be perfect. It doesn't. Don't be so serious about it. Have fun. Try to create many small elements, parts and then maybe you'll find a way to connect them? You have to practise and you'll see you're getting better and better'

The second conversation was one I had with my singing teacher, Karolina. We talked about me being shy and scared of taking risk. She told me: 'Take your time. Sometimes we have to wait to be ready for something. It's nothing wrong with that. The worst thing is to push yourself to do something you're not sure about. But one day you'll wake up and think – yes. Today I will do this, today I am ready, I believe I can do this. You won't be nervous or scared about it. But never give up just because your first step wasn't exactly what you were expecting.'

I'm glad I heard these things. It's always good to hear something like this, from people who are important to you, when you're doubtful about your dreams and plans.