Maurycy

2 weeks ago I lost my friend.

His name was Maurycy, he was 8 years old, was my little baby and biggest love of my life. He was my beautiful, smart rabbit and he lost his fight against cancer.

I remember first time I saw him. It was 3rd of September 2005. I wanted a white rabbit, but when we were in the pet shop, I saw him, a little gray and beige thing and I said 'Mom, he's the one'. He was so small I could keep him in one hand. At the beginning he was scared of everything and trusted only me. He was one year old when I went on holidays and left him under the care of my mom. He didn't want to eat and drink for 4-5 days. He was really sad and when I came back he got really crazy from happiness.

It wasn't always good between us. When he was 3 I didn't care about him that much. I mean, I gave him food, I cleaned his cage, but I know I didn't give him enough love. It lasted for some time and when I finally started to play with him again and took him on my hands, he peed on me. Well, he had a temper. And also, I deserved that.

That was also the moment when 'my rabbit' became 'our, family's, rabbit'. Everyone felt responsible for him, everyone cared. Maurycy wasn't so scared anymore, but still, he fully trusted only me.

After few years of being really energetic, in age of 4 he became calm, didn't want to jump around the room or play with us. But then, about 2 years ago he changed again. And there was the most beautiful time in our relationship. That was the moment when we all stopped treating him as an animal. He was the sixth member of our family. He followed us around the room, ate food from our hands, always wanted to play with us. And suddenly something happened. He got ill. His doctor after the examination said that unfortunately it's cancer. We visited vet few times a week. Everytime we got on the car, he was shaking and I had to keep him on my chest because only the beating of my heart could calm him down a bit. We had to give him injections 2-3 times a day. He didn't want to eat. He became scared of us because we gave him pain with injections and forcing him to eat. It's probably the worst, that you can't explain your little animal that all you do is not to hurt him, but because you love him and want to help. Last 2 weeks of June I spent mostly with him. I cancelled almost all meetings I planned because I wanted to be close to him, to show him I'm there for him. Spent long hours, with tears in my eyes, trying to convince him to eat lettuce or drink water. And finally he was getting better. He started to eat a little bit, he strated to go out of his cage and jump around the room. He even started to be calm when we gave him injections. I thought everything will be fine...

On 2nd July I was going to Gdynia, to Open'er Festival. I said goodbye to Maurycy, hugged him and told him to be a brave little rabbit. I left him with my parents, sure that everything will be fine. I called my mom everyday, asking how he's feeling and looked like he's feeling better and better every day. But on 7th, he died on my dad's hands.

I can't forgive myself that I left my little baby. I'm scared that he felt abandoned by me. On one hand I know I did everything that was possible to help him, that we gave him so much love and that, when I left, my parents cared about him. But on the other I feel guilty that I wasn't with him till the end.

Maurycy taught me what it is to be responsible for someone. I felt so much love everytime I kept him in my hands. It's so weird to know that I will never see his eyes, never touch his fur, that he will never jump on the carpet. I have this thoughts, for a little moment, that maybe he will be there, but when I look around the room, I can't see him. His empty cage is standing in the garden and I have tears in my eyes when I see his bottle, still with water inside. I know I should do something with it, but can't. When my little sister saw me crying, she said she can buy me a new rabbit to make me feel better. But I don't want any other animal. It's impossible to replace a friend. He was the only one, he was special and I miss him so much. But I'm grateful, that I had a chance to have him for such a long time. My little sweet thing I will never forget.